Thanksgiving Jokes

Enjoy the Thanksgiving humor below.

If you're looking for more Thanksgiving info including Thanksgiving cards, postcards, quotes, dinner ideas, prayers, poetry and more! Go to the Thanksgiving Day main page.

Q&A Jokes

Q: What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY

Q: How can you send a turkey through the post office?
A: Bird class mail

Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church?
A: Because they use such FOWL language

Q: What has feathers and webbed feet?
A: A turkey wearing scuba gear

Q: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
A: I'll let you know next week.

Q: What do you call a dumb gobbler?
A: A jerky turkey

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A:Because he had the drumsticks.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A:It was the chicken's day off

Doctor, Help this Turkey

Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!"

"I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?"

"Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954.

Humor from Famous Comedians and Writers

• We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. ~George Carlin

• "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." ~Jon Stewart

• My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. ~Phyllis Diller

• Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. ~Johnny Carson

• Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. ~Kevin James

• Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ~Michael Dresser

• An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ~Irv Kupcinet

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